Family

Well I tell ya it's not what it's all cracked up to be. On it's best day it's still a hot mess! Lots of personalities and opinions. What's that saying "too many chiefs and not enough indians"...ya that one. Yet that isn't right cause everyone should be equal so scratch that.

Growing up mine was a hot mess. I was moved around more times than I can count. I missed out on making those "childhood friends" so many of my adult friends have now. I have no idea who I went to kindergarten with hell I don't even remember the name of the school. WAIT I just remembered it - I think it was John B. Dey Elementary. Let me google it - hang on.... Well I'll be damned it's there and looks like a pretty good one. Don't recognize any of the teachers but I barely remembered the name of the school.

OK so back to my point - I think I have one - right so growing up was crazy. I was/am the oldest so I ran the show after my parents nasty divorce cause my Mom had to go back to work. So I had to grow up real quick. It's really not that big of a deal and I have never asked or wanted sympathy for it. There were perks! Like being a latch key kid. What kid wouldn't want the run of the house with no parents at home. Got to eat whatever I wanted and watch all the TV I could. Pretty sweet deal. I don't remember my Mom during that time. I think she was trying so hard to just stay afloat and survive the demise of her marriage that she couldn't deal with anything else. That was OK I was plenty capable. I wouldn't go back and change one second of it. Ok maybe the divorce thing just for my sister and brothers sake. They were still young and impressionable so they needed a father figure. I was done and had no use for that SOB anymore. Ummm this is my story and my SOB to call an SOB so I don't want to hear anyone say "you shouldn't say that about your father". I didn't have one of those he was simply the sperm donor. My grandfather, husband, father in law and brother in laws are the only men I know deserving or being called a father.

Ok so then I get married to this man who really is my knight in shinning armor. Well most of the time he is - for example 5min. ago he wasn't when he let me run out of the house with a baseball bat to try and smash the 300 lb raccoon that is destroying the garbage and I must kill it.

So I marry him and he comes with this whole new family for me to be apart of. Well it's been an adventure to say the least. We've had our ups and our downs. I/we could have done without all the "downs" but we've survived and no matter what we are family and there is NO CHANGING that unless of course you....well no nothing could change that since we have children we are in this forever and after that. We are all different and it has taken almost 13 years now to finally know what works. 13 years is the longest amount of time I have worked at anything. My marriage doesn't even require the same amount of work that other relationships I have do. That could just be because Steve and I are like fric and frac or like Buzz and Woody or Bella and Edward - you get my point. I mean 13 years is longer than all my schooling and after seeing some of the kids homework this past year I know now I clearly didn't work very hard during my time of being educated. OK there it is the one other thing I would have changed from my childhood. Seriously how many years could I get away with saying "no Mom we had no homework or test's today". Jeesh - thank god for my street smarts or I'd be screwed!

I guess my point is I've had to work at these relationships. Sure some are better than others but that is just life. You have friends and some you like better than others right? Well it's no different with family. In a perfect world everyone would get along equally. I wouldn't want a "perfect" world - where is the fun in that. Not that " not getting along" is fun - that I could do without. I could do without the "he said she said". I could do without the constant temper tantrums and the screaming fits - I'm telling ya Steve isn't as innocent as he seems :) My sister and I went just over 4 years without speaking. It made for interesting holidays to say the least. I had legitimate reasons and it is was it is. Things are better now and at least we can be in the same room together without killing each other. It requires work from both of us to maintain this "hot mess" but it's our hot mess and we are fine with it. Relationships are like flowers they require constant care to allow them to grow. If you IGNORE them and don't water and feed them they die and shrivel up to nothing. What a cheesy.....what is that called I just did - an analogy. See I remembered something.

At the end of the day I am responsible for my own happiness sure Steve is too but he knows that he needs to keep me happy so I'll keep doing the laundry. I am responsible for my childrens happiness until they drive me completely nuts and I lose my mind. I am responsible to do my best not to lose my temper when it would seem appropriate cause in the end it causes more harm than good but that also doesn't mean I will stand by and not stick up for what's right and wrong. Like Steve says to me ALL THE TIME - I only see in black and white. Maybe at times I could use to see the fuzzy gray but it's easier said than done. I don't care for gray I like black or white - less mess!

If your reading this and your all confused it's probably best :) If your reading this and are between the lines calm down and don't get your panties or boxers in a twist and don't go reading to far between the lines I'm not saying anything earth shattering here.